Faking It
by MorganAnnUchiha
Summary: <html><head></head>"Alexander, will you marry me?" Alec closed his eyes. When he did he could almost pretend that it was Magnus in front of him, his voice speaking the words which Alec had dreamed of so many times, so he nodded. "Yes." And he had to open his eyes then, he saw the face of Sebastian. So familiar, so beautiful, but it wasn't who he wanted.</html>
1. Chapter 1

**Faking It - Chapter One**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments or it's characters. Ownership goes to Cassandra Clare.**

**Warnings: OOC, AU.**

**I hope you enjoy!**

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><p>"Alexander."<p>

"Magnus?" Alec responded sleepily, opening his eyes to see his lover propped up on his elbow and looking down at him. He sat himself up beside the man, his eyes never leaving him.

Magnus's beauty struck Alec then and for a moment all he could do was stare. Alec had never thought anyone was perfect before, he hadn't thought perfection was a possibility, but now he saw that he had been wrong.

Perfection was the man before him. The lithe figure, the inky black hair, - which so often held sparkles within it - the smooth, caramel skin, the golden-green cat like eyes, he was flawless in everyway.

Alec had been searching for something completely different when he found Magnus, but there was something about the man that was completely irresistable and Alec thanked the angel everyday that this was whom he ended up with.

"We need to talk." Magnus told him quietly, interrupting Alec's adoring thoughts.

Though most would have instantly been terrified by those words, Alec wasn't. They rarely had problems between each other and when they did, they worked through it.

Besides, a talk could be about anything.

When he spoke though, even if the words didn't terrify him, he couldn't keep the concern from his voice. "What is it, love?"

It was rare for Alec to call him by those sort of names, it always embarrassed Alec to be saying them. He adored when Magnus called him things like that, but that was an entirely different situation.

While other times Magnus would break into wide grins, or kiss Alec when he called him by such things, it only seemed to make Magnus grow grim this time.

"I think we should take a break."

Alec froze. That was something that terrified him.

"A break?" Alec hated to admit that his voice gave away everything. It was clear how sad, desperate, hurt, and just broken that he felt.

"Things haven't been working lately. You know that. I shouldn't say break, we just need to break-up." Magnus said quietly.

Alec frowned. That was even worse than a break. "Funny how you tell me this after what happened last night." He knew his tone was pure biterness, but he couldn't control it.

"One more night together. I thought it would be a fitting farewell." Magnus defended.

Alec looked away, moving from his seated position on the bed to gather his clothes and redress.

When he was done, he knew he should go but for some reason he didn't. Instead, he just stood at the end of Magnus's bed, eyes locked on his lithe form.

Magnus didn't seem to know what to do. Alec was just as confused.

"You should go." Magnus finally said tersely. Alec flinched. It hurt. Magnus wanted him to leave. He'd never thought that would happen, or even be a possibility. "I'll be out all day tomorrow. You can get your stuff then."

"Okay," Alec responded quietly, having nothing else to say.

He turned to leave, like Magnus wanted. Alec would always give Magnus what he wanted.

"Alec?"

Some part of him hoped he was about to have Magnus beg him to stay, tell him he changed his mind, but a larger part of him knew that wasn't about to happen. That didn't stop the disappointment that filled him when Magnus spoke again then.

"Don't forget to leave your key here tomorrow."

"I love you," Alec said firmly, willing Magnus to realize how much he truly meant those words. He hoped Magnus would never forget, because he never would.

Even if Magnus no longer loved him, Alec would always remember the times when he did, because that was most important.

Alec left.

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><p>"I was wondering if I could take you on a date this Saturday?" Sebastian's voice was so adorably nervous, so unsure, and Alec had to appreciate it, but it was nothing like what he wanted.<p>

Nothing like when Magnus had first asked him on a date. Magnus - as always - had been confident, self-assured and though he acknowledged the idea of a rejection, he'd been ready to change Alec's mind if it happened.

None of that was present with Sebastian. But Alec accepted anyway because what else could he really do? It'd already been nine months of pining for Magnus, eventually, he had to move on. Or at least fake that he did.

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><p>"Alec, I know we haven't been seeing each other long, but I was hoping to make things official because I can see this really going somewhere. Will you be my boyfriend?"<p>

It was only their fifth date. Alec hadn't been expecting it.

Even though he and Magnus hadn't become official until their seventh date, neither had been seeing anyone else even before that. They had been crazy about each other right from the beginning. Alec still couldn't say what had caused things to change.

"I'd like that," Alec told Sebastian. It was a lie. A complete and utter lie.

Sebastian didn't know though. All he saw was a dedication in Alec's eyes, he saw it as dedication to them as a couple, he didn't realize it was Alec's dedication to keep faking that he was moving on from Magnus.

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><p>"I love you, Alexander Gideon Lightwood." Sebastian told him, his whole being radiating with love, as if to emphasize his words.<p>

Alec could remember the first time Magnus had told him that. It was so similar yet so different. He could pretend though, because he had to.

"I love you too." He wasn't saying it to Sebastian. He was saying it to Magnus.

Sebastian never sensed anything off though. All he could see was a peaceful expression on Alec's face, all he could hear were passionate words.

Alec was Sebastian's bliss.

Magnus was Alec's.

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><p>"Alexander, make love with me."<p>

Alec let a small smile grace his features. Sebastian was under the impression Alec was an innocent virgin. It was far from the truth. Magnus had taken away every ounce of innocence Alec had.

He'd never corrected Sebastian on his thinking though. It kept him from needing to fall into bed with the other.

There was no more avoiding it though, he knew.

And so he faked it.

His eyes remained closed. With every pant and moan, he was imagining Magnus above him. There was no Sebastian in that world, there was only a blissful reunion between him and Magnus

Not once did he say a name. He feared that if he spoke, it wouldn't be Sebastian's name that tumbled from his lips, but the one he was thinking of.

And what a terrible thing that would be.

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><p>"Will you move in with me?" Sebastian's voice was hesitantly hopeful.<p>

Magnus had never formally asked Alec to move in. It just sort of happened. He almost preferred it that way. It seemed simpler, and more natural. Everything had been so natural with Magnus.

His relationship with Sebastian was forced.

Sometimes Alec wondered if Sebastian had any clue what went through Alec's mind at times like these, but he would quickly dismiss that. There was no way.

Sebastian was giving himself whole-heartedly to the relationship. He didn't suspect anything.

"Yes." It was simple, but that was all Alec could come up with.

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><p>Alec could feel Sebastian's arms around, he could feel the man's body heat against his back and it was a feeling so familiar, a position he was used to, but then all at once he was back in Magnus's apartment. It wasn't Sebastian behind him. That thought couldn't last long though, Alec only managed to get a few moments of that peace.<p>

"Where did you go, love?" Sebastian questioned, an innocent intrigue in his voice. There wasn't even a hint of worry, nor mistrust, but why would there be? Sebastian had no inkling of a clue that when Alec closed his eyes he was always seeing Magnus.

_To Magnus_, Alec thought in response, but didn't say it. Instead he just forced a small smile to his face, shaking his head as a sign to say that it wasn't important.

Alec knew it was though. It was important because it was the one thing that was able to save their future together and yet ensure there was never a true chance for them at the same time.

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><p>"Alexander, will you marry me?"<p>

Alec closed his eyes. When he did he could almost pretend that it was Magnus in front of him, his voice speaking the words which Alec had dreamed of so many times, so he nodded. "Yes."

And he had to open his eyes then, he saw the face of Sebastian. So familiar, so beautiful, but it wasn't who he wanted.

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><p>"Do you, Sebastian, accept this man as your lawfully wedded husband?"<p>

"I do," Sebastian responded, a wide grin on his face. His response had been so quick that Alec was surprised. He was so sure. Guilt welled within Alec.

Sebastian was offering Alec a life of unconditional love, a chance of happiness. All Alec could offer was the pretense of loving him.

"Do you, Alexander, accept this man as your lawfully wedded husband?"

Alec closed his eyes. He pictured Magnus across from him. Lovely, lovely Magnus.

He wouldn't be in a simple black suit like Sebastian. Alec knew he would have added some sort of sparkle to it, some splash of color, because that's the type of person Magnus was. Colorful.

And no matter how many times Alec had teased him about it, he loved it.

Alec could picture Magnus in front of him. He could see what would be worn, he could see the smile that would be on the other's face. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't imagine Magnus saying those words.

Because Magnus wouldn't.

Magnus had broken up with him for a reason. It was because he didn't love him. Magnus would never marry someone if there was no love.

And Alec realized, he couldn't pretend anymore.

Alec's eyes finally opened, but still he said nothing. He saw the expectant look on Sebastian's face, the smile was still present, but Alec could see a certain look in his eyes, a growing uneasiness.

He turned away. His eyes went from Sebastian to all those they had invited to the wedding.

Maryse, Isabelle, Jace, Clary, Simon, Jocelyn, Luke, Maia, Jordan and others that he vaguely recognized. They all seemed as sure as Sebastian that he was going to say those timeless words, I do.

He wished he could do it. When he caught sight of Magnus though, every hope that he could go through with it had vanished.

Magnus had been there all along. He hadn't just disappeared once their relationship ended. For every milestone, he had been there along with Alec's family, because Magnus was family.

That was part of how Alec had been able to pretend for so long. Magnus was always there, his face was always fresh in Alec's mind, he was always so close.

Finally, Alec's eyes were on Sebastian again. He wished he could love him, he desperately wished it.

"I'm sorry," it was a quick mumble, but Sebastian caught it and understanding flashed in his eyes instantly.

"Alec," Sebastian began, but Alec didn't wait to hear the rest of it, he was already running.

He went past his family, past his friends, past Magnus.

Behind him he heard footsteps. He knew it would be Jace. Jace was always the one to chase after Alec - just as Alec would do for him - but Alec didn't want to see even him, he couldn't see anyone, everything was too much for Alec.

There were only a few things Alec had ever been completely sure about in his life.

One, he was gay.

Two, Jace was family, even if he was adopted.

Three, his parents loved him, no matter how clueless or inattentive they could be.

Four, he would kill anyone who ever hurt Isabelle because even if she could protect herself physically, she was one of the most emotionally delicate people he'd ever known.

Five, he was completely in love with Magnus Bane.

Six, Sebastian would be an amazing husband, even if he couldn't properly appreciate it.

He had never questioned any of these things previously. There was no point, but he did now.

He questioned his love for Magnus. He questioned why it wouldn't go away, why he couldn't let go.

Magnus was not his first love, was not his first kiss, was not his first date. The only first that Magnus could truly claim was Alec's first time. He'd been more than happy to give the older man his virginity, but now he wondered if that had been his downfall.

He quickly dismissed that idea though. There was no way that was it. Their relationship had never been purely physical, it had been so much more than that.

Alec would never know what had caused his inability to let go of Magnus. All he would know was how true his love was.

_I love you Magnus_.

That was his only thought. He didn't know what he was doing, where he was going.

His surroundings vaguely registered to him. He was ontop of a building. The place he and Magnus had their first date. They'd broken onto a rooftop, it gave them a beautiful view and added a sense of danger.

Alec had loved it.

How fitting. The place he had truly come alive, where he began to fall in love, it was the place he would end as well.

"Alexander!"

It was pure anguish, unadultered pain, but still, it was the one voice Alec had craved to hear again.

And at the last moment, Alec smiled. Air rushed around him, there was a harsh tugging sensation and then a thudding pain.

His eyes closed and Alexander Lightwood was lost from the world.

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><p><strong>I'd love to see a review, even if you didn't like it, any sort of feedback is appreciated.<strong>

**-MorganAnnUchiha**


	2. Chapter 2

**Faking It - Chapter One**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments or it's characters. Ownership goes to Cassandra Clare.**

**Warnings: OOC, AU.**

**I hope you enjoy!**

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><p>Magnus woke to a tickling sensation against his nose. His eyes opened slowly and he blinked a few times as things came into focus. He was home, in his bedroom, that much was clear, but he wasn't alone. It was a normal occurrence for his beloved Chairman Meow to take up residence in his bed and wake him when the tiny cat deemed it time to be fed, but that wasn't the case. Curled up against him was a beautiful boy with black hair, blue eyes, pale skin; in a word, perfection.<p>

Magnus had been with his fair share of people, if he were honest he likely wouldn't even be able to remember them all, either way, none had ever or would ever compare to Alexander Lightwood.

He could remember their evening together, just before they'd fallen asleep. It had been simple, but intimate and exactly what they both needed. Though neither liked to admit it there had been more problems than usual in their relationship. He had never been a morning person, but he couldn't remember a time he had dreaded waking more than he did now.

As if on cue, Alec shifted in his sleep, showing signs of waking and Magnus knew now. It was time.

"Alexander," he began, voice firm and louder than what would be his usual tone. If he didn't do it now, he knew he never would.

"Magnus?" Alec's voice was sleepy and raspy, somehow adorable. Magnus was struck then more than ever with the urge to wrap the beautiful boy in his arms. He ignored that though.

"We need to talk." Magnus was being such a cliché and he knew it, but for some reason he felt that a cliché would have more of an effect with the gullible boy before him. Alec had always been insecure in Magnus's love for him, at times it had even come between them, but for the time, Magnus saw it for what it was; a blessing that would only make things easier for himself.

_But it will destroy Alec. _The thought came from the more rational part of his mind, the selfless place and he knew it was right, but he couldn't acknowledge that. He was already into it.

"What is it, love?" Alec asked, his concern clearly showing. Magnus couldn't keep his eyes from Alec's own bright blue ones. They were shining with his concern and love. There was a deep pain that began in Magnus's chest.

"I think we should take a break."

"A break?" Alec's voice had come out weakly. Magnus knew exactly all the terrible things he was causing him to feel and he regretted it more than he had ever regretted anything in his life, but he didn't change it. Instead, he worsened it.

"Things haven't been working lately. You know that. I shouldn't say break, we just need to break up." Magnus himself had been quiet with his words; he felt a weakness in his body, like he was shutting down. He tried not to let it show, but everything was gradually becoming too much. He could hardly speak, could hardly breathe.

"Funny how you tell me this after what happened last night." Alec was bitter. Magnus understood why.

"One more night together. I thought it would be a fitting farewell." Magnus knew his response changed nothing. It wasn't even the truth. He had let the night happen because he was selfish. He loved him.

Alec didn't respond to him, but he wasn't surprised by that.

"You should go." It hurt Magnus to even say it. The look that crossed Alec's face made it so much worse. He didn't even imagine that something could be that bad. "I'll be out all day tomorrow. You can get your stuff then."

"Okay," Alec answered him, turning to leave. Magnus shook with the effort it took not to beg Alec to stay.

"Alec?" Magnus began, unable to even say for sure what he was about to say. It could have been anything from _I love you _to _Never come back_. "Don't forget to leave your key here tomorrow." That was what he should say, but not what he wanted to.

"I love you," Alec's voice was firm; there was no hint of hesitation. Magnus didn't want Alec to ever stop loving him, but some part of him wished he would. At least then the perfect boy wouldn't need to feel the pain he currently was.

It was only a whisper, but Magnus still said it. "_I love you too_."

Alec was gone then. Magnus didn't think he heard his final words, he hoped he didn't.

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><p>"Alec is going on a date with someone this Saturday," Isabelle said, her voice almost hesitant. Magnus's eyes shot to her and he ached to question her, who it was, where they were going, he craved to know everything, but knew if he did that it would only get back to Alec.<p>

"So?" He questioned blankly, as if he truly didn't care.

"I just thought you might want to know."

"It's been nine months; I'm surprised he didn't move on before now." Magnus explained, though he knew that wasn't true. He hadn't expected Alec to move on so fast, or at all. Some part of Magnus had selfishly just expected Alec to stay in love with him forever, never moving on, never moving forward.

"You haven't been with anyone since him," Isabelle shot back, a suspicious look coming to her face, as if she didn't buy the act Magnus was trying to pass off. Magnus chose not to answer Isabelle back. She was stubborn; there was no winning against her, especially when you didn't know if you truly wanted her to be wrong.

Isabelle knew exactly how both Magnus and Alec felt, even if she didn't make her awareness obvious. They both pined for each other but were too stubborn to do anything about it. Alec had never told her exactly why the two broke up, nor did Magnus, that didn't stop her form speculating though.

She hoped they would be back together one day. It just didn't seem right to have them apart.

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><p>"You remember how Alec went on that date?"<p>

"Yes," Magnus sighed, his eyes resting on Isabelle with a clearly unimpressed look. "What about it?" Isabelle gave him her own look, as if daring him to object to what she wanted to say.

"It went well. He's been dating the guy for a while now." Isabelle told him, no longer having the hesitance to speak of her brother or his life. Although she knew both still held feelings for the other, she had accepted their split and was now playing her part as the supporting sister to Alec and supportive best friend for Magnus.

From time to time she worried about holding such close relationships with each of them, but they never seemed to be bothered by it, so she didn't dwell.

"Good for him." Magnus said, though he definitely didn't mean it.

"I think he really likes him."

Magnus felt an ache begin in his chest once he heard that. It was one thing to know Alec was dating someone; it was another thing to hear from Alec's own sister that Alec wasn't simply dating someone, but seemed to be serious about him.

Alec was meant to be his. That was how things were supposed to be; if Magnus hadn't of messed that up of course. He no longer deserved Alec and he would never be able to have him again.

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><p>"Guess what!" Isabelle exclaimed excitedly as she danced towards Magnus. He chuckled and caught her in a welcoming hug.<p>

"What?" He asked in her ear, choosing not to go through the waste of time guessing, since he more than likely wouldn't get it.

Isabelle was released from Magnus's hold and she let a playful little smile appear on her face, briefly considering teasing him with the fact that she knew gossip before him, but ultimately chose not to. "Alec is getting married!"

Magnus froze. There was a burning sensation in his eyes, and there was a wet feeling on his cheeks, but he was oblivious to the fact that he was even crying. "Alexander is getting married," he repeated slowly.

Isabelle had stared, completely shocked as Magnus reacted to the words. It hadn't been what she expected, not at all.

Isabelle had worried for a long time about Alec not truly being over Magnus, but as of late she had unintentionally ignored the fact that Magnus wasn't over Alec.

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><p>"Do you, Sebastian, accept this man as your lawfully wedded husband?"<p>

Magnus heard the preacher's words and frowned. He ached to scream at Alec to say no, but he didn't think he could do that. It wasn't that he didn't want to, it was the fact that he knew he still didn't deserve Alec.

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><p><strong>I know this should have been finished in this chapter, but I decided to leave the end of Magnus's POV to be another chapter. I want to make it more indepth.<strong>

**I'd love to see a review, even if you didn't like it, any sort of feedback is appreciated.**

**-MorganAnnUchiha**


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